


all the things yet to come are the things that have passed

by SleepyBanshee



Category: SKAM (Italy), SKAM (Italy) RPF
Genre: Ele and edo get each other, F/M, I just need them to be together and supportive and family, Set After Season 3, this talks explicitly about panic attacks- take care of yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 07:15:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19389148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyBanshee/pseuds/SleepyBanshee
Summary: Ele wakes up in a panic and, as always, Edo is there to be supportive.





	all the things yet to come are the things that have passed

**Author's Note:**

> Set during the first winter break back in Rome after Edo goes to school to Cornell (Ele doesn't go with but they do the long distance thing).

For the most part, Eleonora was exceptionally pleased with her life right now. She was in a loving relationship with Edo. She had her brother, Filo. She had le matte who would just about move heaven and earth for her and vice versa. She was settled in Rome. She was good. Truly.

But sometimes she went to bed with an itch of past feelings.

The pangs of hunger she used to feel.

The nausea that pained her when she ate at the beginning of her recovery.

The feeling of eyes looking at her naked body without consent. Violating her. Her skin crawling at her vulnerable position.

The hollowness of waking up alone after she had sex for the first time.

The loneliness of going to the hospital by herself when she needed surgery.

These feeling would creep up on her. She didn’t let them dwell before she slept. They hit her at once, made her take a few focusing deep breaths, and then Eleonora shoved them down, refusing in the lamp lit sanctuary of her room to allow them any control over her anymore. It felt as though the feelings went away as easy as they came. But some nights, some nights the feelings came back when she was asleep. Her dreams warped her experiences together. She woke up sweaty and shaky and heart racing. It was particularly frustrating that she couldn’t remember the particulars of the dream to talk out the illogical aspects them. Instead, she was left with the feelings she felt at the time and had worked to move past. But now it was all at once.

She didn’t wake up screaming as the media portrayed. She didn’t wake up crying or wake with a start that she sat up suddenly. It was worse. It was a slow recognition of coming back to her body, a body that felt so much, too much, at once. She didn’t remember what happened only that she had to get out. She had to get out. That was the hardest part. How was she supposed to describe the terror, the pain, the vulnerability when she couldn’t even remember the specifics? That these nights left her body ache and sore from a past far away and feelings that had no context?

So Eleonora mostly kept them to herself. She had grown this year, she knew that she didn’t have to do everything on her own. She had people to lean on, but she also didn’t want to talk about this. She wasn’t avoiding or hiding or refusing to use supports. She just...didn’t have the language to describe this feeling of terror. The way her body tensed up. The flush of her skin, not from pleasure, but panic.

Eleonora took a few shuddering breaths in her bed, seeing if she could calm down. But her body felt hot and achy, and her chest hurt from the pounding of her heart. She glanced over at her right and saw Edoardo sleeping comfortably. She was glad she hadn’t woken him. She knew, without a doubt, that he would immediately help her. But she needed a few minutes to calm her racing heart. To feel like she had agency over her body before someone touched her. So she untangled the sheets from her limbs as quietly as possible before padding to her bathroom in her oversized t-shirt.

Eleonora turned the lights on, her hands still shaking, and walked to the sink to run her hands under the cool water. She splashed her face a few times--grabbing a washcloth to get wet and gently wipe the sweat off from the back of her neck.

Ele put the cloth on the sink and sunk to the ground of the cold bathroom floor. Her cleaning tendencies made sitting on the bathroom floor more comfortable than questionable. The cool of the tile shocked the overheated skin of her legs. Eleonora made them stay for a minute or two, letting the tile help soothe her body before pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs.

It looked as though Eleonora was trying to hold all the emotions together. Hold herself together. She didn’t feel like breaking down. She just felt...

Overwhelmed.

She leaned against the wall of the bathroom, knees still tucked by her chest. Eleonora rolled her neck back and looked at the ceiling before closing her eyes and focusing on her breathing.

She could feel her body cooling, her heart still raced, but the pressure of her chest lessened. Her hands shakily grasped together around her knees.

She breathed. In and out.

“Hey?” Eleonora heard and her eyes snapped open to see a sleep mussed Edoardo in the doorway. His eyes blinked against the harsh light of the bathroom, but she could still see the concern in them. This was the first time this had happened while he was here. He knew about them somewhat. Their conversations when he was at school eluded to poor night sleeps. Late night phone calls, or early evenings for Edo, hinted to her sleeping struggles. It happened only occasionally, but enough that Edo finding her shaking on the bathroom floor holding herself wasn’t quite the shock like the first panic attack Ele had was.

Eleonora cleared her throat. “Hey. Did I wake you?” She asked. Her voice rough from sleep and the lump that had formed while she slept.

“No,” Edo said softly before coming into the bathroom and sitting across from her. He sat with his legs crossed, the bathroom small enough that her toes could almost touch his legs. Eleonora nodded before looking back up and taking deep breaths. She shouldn’t have been so surprised that Edoardo let her take control. That he was okay with sitting near her, offering support, but not pushing it on her. Wasn’t that the basis of their relationship? Ele finding unwavering support from Edo on her terms? Fuck, she loved him. The thought helped break some of the bad feelings. She cleared her throat again, but still kept her eyes to the ceiling.

“You never told me why me calling you out in front of all your friends made you...like me?” Eleonora asked. She wanted a ridiculous happy memory to replace the vulnerability she felt. She wanted to think of a moment when her armor was on. When she felt invincible.

Edoardo chuckled a bit as Eleonora focused on breathing in and out. And the smell of him in her bathroom. The way his laugh felt like a warm caress against her sore skin.

“I have a kink for public shaming.” Edo joked before gently poking one of her legs with his big toe. Eleonora smiled at his joke. Well, she was 98% sure it was a joke. She didn’t say anything else. She was content to wait for whatever information came, and she didn’t feel like talking. She wanted to just be.

“No, uh,” he started. “You were just...perfect.” He got out and she could hear the amusement in his tone. "You were beautiful and on fire, and you called out exactly how I act at school. You weren’t afraid to actually tell me that I was behaving like a dick.” Ele smiled at the memory, her heart rate slowing as she listened to the timbre of his voice.

“You didn’t care that I was popular or hot--”

“Psh,” Ele snorted at that.

“You didn’t give a single fuck about me except that I had hurt your friend. I, uh, did what I thought I had to do. But I saw you stick up immediately for your friends. You did what I do for my friends, my family. And I wondered what all of that passion and love and care might look like if you actually knew me...not just what I pretended to be.” Edo told her. She felt him move closer and she reached out a hand to him which he grabbed instantly, Edo feeling the slight shake left over from her fear.

“Also you were so hot with your lipstick and beautiful smile,” Edo laughed out.

Eleonora finally rolled her neck down to look at him. She gave him an unimpressed look that was less effective because of the smile she was fighting.

Her breathing stable. Her hands only shaking slightly, her body sore but not overheating to the point of pain anymore.

“Thank you,” she whispered into the bathroom. Her eyes shining with gratitude. She held his gaze to make sure he knew that she meant it. That she was so so thankful that this boy was here and wanted her and let her take whenever she needed.

“I’ll always take care of you,” Edoardo said simply.

“It’s rotten work,” Eleonora joked, looking at the dark circles under his eyes. The awkward position he was in on the floor of the bathroom at 3 in the morning.

“Not to me, Ele. Not if it’s you.”

Eleonora unwrapped herself and crawled a bit awkwardly over to Edoardo. He spread his legs so she could fit in the V of his body. Her back rested on his chest. Edoardo’s arms wrapped around her stomach and Eleonora leaned her head back onto his chest and shoulder. She felt his lips place soft kisses against her hairline.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Eleonora whispered, finally feeling like herself wrapped up safely in Edoardo’s arms. “That’s what families do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! Thanks for reading!   
> Special shout out to my love, nnegan13, for beta'ing this and trading incantava songs with me. 
> 
> song title by hozier (again): Wasteland, Baby! 
> 
> Also the quotes at the end are from euripedes quote going around with some changes:   
> I'll take care of you.   
> -It's rotten work.   
> Not to me. Not if it's you. 
> 
> Tumblr: https://air-bison-yip-yip.tumblr.com/


End file.
